a strange relationship with summer
its odd
the british summertime
the americans came over a year or two ago
to race against us
and they who we know have such blue skies
such little cloud in comparison were stunned by our long days
we don't really think of ourself as a northern country
we are not scandinavian
but really we are with the level of sunlight we get
these last few months
in the evenings looking out of my window and the light
its special - that part makes me feel good
its the daytimes
the sometimes oppressive heat
and more majorly the knowledge that accross the country there is fun to be had that hurts me
when im sitting inside
looking at it
-
i try not to do that very much
its rather disheartening
-
i wonder
how many people feel the same
how many people look at their windows at a nice day and feel guilty they are not out in it
doing something
let me tell you
when you are it is everything you hope you are not missing
which makes going back to being inside ...
sad
the thing is they enjoyment you get from good weather and good people is one thing
but the enjoyment from good weather by yourself outside, perhaps with a podcast to imitate company
that can be good
and sometimes being outside will expose you to people or events going on
and then suddenly a lonely day can get a bit less lonely
.
I think one day i dream of every nice day having a group of family and friends to do things with
that is what is speical about sailing for me
going down to the club
often seeing someone i know
working or sailing or working on a boat, working in the clubhouse. no one working in the way we interpret working. as truly negative. working + enjoying.
that's special
that's why hawaii is special. is like a dreamland. always good days. always good waves
turn up to a local break
see other people in the water
no plan
no oragniser
and yet there is sport and activitiy and adrenaline
that is special.
adrenaline might be as good as relationships.
it's not
but in the absence of one
that is as a high and as low as life can get
and i think life does need its highs and its lows
its better to make them yourself
than wait for you mind to create them
when your mind starts creating
thats when it starts lying to you
when it starts lying to you
well if you cant trust your own mind, what can you trust. family and friends
a lack of whom is the very issue that probably causes said overthinking.
That is all a little bit deep.
a lack of things to do and places to see. that is what causes that. i might guess. and yet here i am today
overthinking
after sailing for 6 hours
on the whole with a fair amount of intensity
a 30 minute lunch break in the middle
goodness gracious
that is hard work
not the hardest i could work
but hard work.
nowadays that is what summer is about
an escape from university to work on whatever we want to work on
and hopefully not have too many days sitting inside watching the sunshine
counting the hours till it rains again.
but all these negative feelings should be felt
because as anyone who has 'glowed' after a breakup knows
harsh feelings help
they are a stimulus
happy people can have stimulus too
but if you are unhappy you can get there
you might have even been there before
if you've climbed a hill once, you can probably do it again
unlike physical feats i am not convinced mental ones get much easier, on a micro level
but over decades
they do say the 30s 40s and 50s can be the happiest years
so us 20 years olds probably should take feeling bad once in a while and keep striving
like britain
all its land and people. flaws and faculties
through long winters of grey
to find months of warmth which one day, perhaps tomorrow, perhaps next week. perhaps today
can appear. can arrive. or can be driven too.
one thing i've noticed is negative feelings might just be thirst. hunger. a need to stretch. or exercise. or blow your nose. chat with someone.
summer is always closer than you think
i've come to expect it every now and then now
maybe even anticipate it
I hope its a long one everytime
its usually not
but every day of sunshine
and now i am talking very metaphorically
every day of sunshine
should be enjoyed
thats why we feel bad about sitting inside
we should enjoy life
like we used to
we = people of the last 10 thousand years
enjoy = be outside. exericise. talk with friends. love and be loved. play.
to craft that life will take time
but i know we will get there
becuase if we are already there sometimes
if we have already shaped life at such a young age
then summer is coming
and it will be the longest yet
there is a global warming coming
for those who want
we should probably stop global warming (the bad one)
and reach and out and grab the good one
surely no one will read all that
but i probably will
to remind myself